kristin has been a bad kristin
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
