if you like me you must not know who I am
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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