You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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