a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
