just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
