As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
