it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
