Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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