she was so not down for the gang bang
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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