they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
