Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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