If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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