Having a random hookup so left but love u
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
