I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
