I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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