I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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