So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
