Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
