At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
