Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
