just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
