Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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