talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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