i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
