2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
