My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
