They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
