I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
