I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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