And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
