I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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