I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
