You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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