grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
