I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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