Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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