I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
