While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
