don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
