if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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