Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
