I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
