remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
