Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
