why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
