Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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