It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
