I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
