somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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