Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
